Do any of you watch The Fixer?

Do any of you watch The Fixer? (Scandal in the US) The one with Olivia Pope, a woman with a fabulous wardrobe but a seriously miserable life. Good at diffusing scandals, not so good at managing loving relationships. She drinks a lot of red wine, but doesn’t have a lot of fun.

I can relate to Olivia Pope. The wine, wardrobe, all of it.

For as long as I can remember there was some situation in my life I needed to Fix. Some person I needed to Save.

My mother, who suffered from panic attacks since I was a little girl.

My parents’ marriage, which was always shouty then silent.

(I was voted Best Dressed at Parkway Central High School, because I was desperate to make my life look Perfect on the Outside.)

Later there was apartheid in South Africa. Such staggering injustice, how could I not join the movement to overturn it?

Then HIV/AIDS in Zimbabwe. The world’s biggest pandemic. A killer that sneaks into houses and beds on the back of need and desire, AIDS kills you because you desperately want to be wanted. How could I not try to end that pain?

And finally a broken system of international aid. A philanthropic sideshow that rolls in and out of towns like a circus, leaving locals to clean up. How could I not try to improve upon millions of dollars of mediocrity?

On paper, mine was a noble life. Heavy with purpose.

By the time I turned 30, I had never been in love. Hardly ever laughed. Solace came in a glass of red. Having spent a lifetime trying to be Ms. Fixer, I had broken my Self.

And the worst part? I hadn’t fixed anything. Not. A. Single. Thing. There was no after for the before, no right for the wrong.

So eventually The Fixer came Unfixed. And a few years later Troublemakers was born. Born of the belief that the best way — the only way — to change our worlds is to show up in them authentically. To stop looking outwards and start looking in. To stop trying to fixing broken situations and start creating beautiful alternatives.

Troublemakers is based on the simple premise that being the truest version of yourself is perhaps the bravest thing you can do. That authenticity is a form of activism.

Find Your Inner Troublemaker could be called Find Your Authentic Self. Your voice. Your passion. Your artistry. Your story.

The weekend retreat will be hard, yes, but also fun. Joyous even. There’s joy in finding your voice and hearing it spoken among others on a similar path.

There will be homemade food, the sea in the distance. I’m putting together a soundtrack, because every good story needs a soundtrack. In fact, we’re going to make music together. And you’re going to start write your own story; with the knowledge that only you can write your happy ending.

Most importantly you’re going to join a growing community of people who know that changing Your World begins – and sometimes ends – with simply being Your Self.

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